The thing about cravings

I was talking to a pregnant friend of mine the other day about cravings. I don't understand them. I've read that cravings can be your body's way of telling you you need something. But c'mon, does my body really need cookies? Does it need to have french fries? I am thining not so much.

When I was pregnant with Matthew, I craved a specific type of peppers. Granzella's greek style peppers. I ordered a case and had them sent from Granzella's deli in itty bitty Williams, California. A sort of nondescript deli on the side of the road off of I5 in Northern Cal. The kind of place, at one time, you might have imagined a saloon to have once been. It has since burned down and has been rebuilt into a deli, store, hotel and eatery of sorts. Sorry, I digress.

About two and a half months into the craving (and also the pregnancy) my peppers arrived. Heavenly angels sang and rays of light shown down on the box as I opened it. I ate one, then two, then twelve peppers. Oh how wonderful. Spicy, juicy, succulent. Wonderful that is until the heartburn set in. I ate peppers for about a week straight and I couldn't take the heartburn anymore so I said a temporary goodbye to my spicy little friends. Then came my second and more sustained craving- the cranberry mustard and mayonnaise sandwiches. Mmmmm.

With my second pregnancy (Claire) I loved mayonnaise. Now, I have always enjoyed a generous helping of Best Foods (or Hellman's if you will). This went beyond that. This went into a mayonnaise obsession. I freakin' adored the stuff. I put it on anything that would hold still. Asparagus, broccoli, cauliflower, sandwiches- you name it. If I was making a sandwich and I could see the bread there was simply not enough mayonnaise on it. Yes folks, I even ate it straight from the jar. I denied this when asked but I am over the obsession now and I am willing to admit it. I was a mayonnaise junky.

Why I hadn't heard of it before my sixth or seventh month of pregnancy I will never know, but I was informed that cucumber sandwiches were something quite delightful. Yes they were. After tasting my first one I promptly fashioned a cucumber shaped thank-you card to commemorate the occasion. As a matter of fact, the night before my c-section with Claire, I consumed a cucumber sandwich with a very generous helping of mayo at 11:59pm. The deadline for food consumption was midnight. It was glorious the way that mayonnaise just melted in my mouth. While many areas of my body are the general consistency of mayonnaise, surely it did not need mayonnaise. Lucky for, the mayonnaise craving ended shortly after Claire was born. I still enjoy it but in moderation. And yes, sometimes still on my vegetables!

I come to my most recent pregnancy- Nathan. Oh my little Nater-tot. Tropical Punch Kool-Aid was my craving of choice with him. I couldn't get enough of the red stuff. I often couldn't wait for it all to dissolve before gulping it down and mixing up another glass. Red mustache and all I would drink it in secret so as not to attract the attention of the other kids. That stuff was mine and I was NOT going to share with anyone no matter how cute they could be or how big their watery eyes and pouty pathetic faces stared longingly at my glass. No way. No. Way. Maybe the kool-aid had something to do with the fact that he was the biggest baby of them all- outweighing the next largest by a good eight ounces. Perhaps he was just one large glass of kool-aid too many.

In retrospect everything is clearer than it is in the moment. I realize that my cravings were entirely irrational and changed from moment to moment. My poor husband would think he was doing me a favor by buying me a box of donuts because I couldn't stop talking about them the day before. When he'd bring them to me I was repulsed at the thought of them. Many times this happened. Many times he ate the rejects- wait a minute, this would explain the 'mystery weight gain' he has experienced three times over. It wasn't sympathy weight gain at all- it was from eating all the rejected food!

I would like to share a recent conversation I had with my stomach. On a related side note, I haven't been able to eat dairy since I was pregnant with Claire. I know. Horrible. Anyways, that doesn't mean I don't still crave dairy- especially cheese. The smell of it, the texture. The way it melts. The way it tastes. Gouda, cheddar, jack, provolone, feta... oh wait sorry I am totally drooling. I was going somewhere with this. Oh yes, the conversation went something like this:

Stomach (S)- hey, i was thinking that cheese would taste pretty good right about now.
Me (M)- nope. I'm not going through that misery just to satisfy your craving.
S- oh. really? I was just thinking that we'll be home all day tomorrow. It's okay if you eat some.
M- I don't think so. I'm not going to spend half the day in the fetal position or in the bathroom for you or for some stupid cheese. I am NOT eating any of that.
S- You don't really mean that. Cheese isn't stupid. I was just thinking since you were making tacos and all...
M- No. I said no. Stop talking and let me cook.
S- Oh okay then, no problem.
...
...
...
...
S- Um, so what if you made nachos instead? Would you consider cheese on that?
M- No!
S- fine. But you're grating some for the rest of them. You could just have a little. Really, a little won't hurt any. Just have a little and the craving will be gone. Simple. Easy. Just a little. A little bite.
M- Hmmmm, a little. Well, I'm probably going to regret it but a little might not be so bad. Ugh! I can't stand the pressure. It really does smell good.
S- Oh I know. It's so pretty- all that orange and white mixed together. How 'bout that little bit there.
M- ohhhhhhh this is sooooo delicious. I am going to savor every bite.
S- thanks I really appreciate it. You know, you had such a small amount, a little more won't hurt. How 'bout that right there.
M- Mmmmmmmmmmmmm cheese. I'm just crackers about cheese.

*about an hour later*

M- stomach
S- yes?
M- I hate you.